The Complete Self Educator

I'm addicted to books, barely a week goes past when I don't pick another two or three. It's amazing how many you can pick up for so cheap. Most charity shops have bins full of paper and hardbacks all going for a pound or less, many in multi buy deals.

Markets, especially the flea variety. Can be brilliant, however the quality can be patchy. There's a distinct lack of quality control when people are selling their old junk off a wallpaper paste table than compared to a shop. Some of my best books have come form flea markets, including a second copy of Mikhail Bulgakov's 'The Master and the Margarita' (a book so fantastic I had to buy a second copy, and then several others of his books.) and a quite eclectic mix of fiction and fact. However the best little find has to be 'The Complete Self Educator'.

It's a good two inch's thick, very heavy and bound in something that could either be fake leather, actual leather or human skin. I'm not quite sure which. It's old that much is plain, but lacks a print date. What really sold it too me is four little words scrawled in red ink on the inside cover. 'Study all this book' is the sage advice that somebody in the past had to offer Janet Crowe (the faded pencil on the opposite page.

Essentially 'The Complete Self Educator' is a book of facts and information, not a text book nor a school book but something else entirely. It has fifteen chapters all on different subjects (rather endearingly Janet has ticked off chapters with a pencil, only two however, I don't think she took her advice too seriously) each of the chapters broken down into several subcategories,

English

French

Arithmetic

Biology

Medicine

Physics

Chemistry

Geography

English History

World History

Economics

Psychology

Philosophy

Logic

Intelligence Tests and Problems

Now I have no doubt that most of the information contained within is outdated and obsolete, especially in the case of medicine and psychology. But I have always been enraptured about the idea of a Polymath (polymath n somebody who has a wide range of knowledge), so I've decided to read a chapter a week to broaden my knowledge of the world. I'll be posting my findings up to share the cream of the crop with you. Now if you'll excuse me a number of cats are vying for my attention.

Ouch

After burning myself for the twelve hundredth time, why the fuck do people have stainless steel kettles? 

They conduct heat to hand a little too well..

Lust List

Three things for a Tuesday,

The Book,

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

This is possibly the most astonishing book I have ever read, or ever will read. It concerns the ‘Locked in’ fate of Mr. Bauby the then editor in chief of the French ‘elle’ its beautifully written given that Bauby composed each paragraph and sentence perfectly in his mind before painstakingly blinking out each letter. Not a single word seems out of place, nor can it afford too.

The sad tale of Bauby will stay with me not least because the authors stroke then subsequent condition looms large as my greatest fear (well perhaps second after going blind, and spiders) but the haunting last words ‘I’ll be off now..’

The Film,

Waltz with Bashir

An incredibly animated story of a solider trying to remember what he did during war.

The Item,

Areaware Alarm Dock

 This is perhaps the coolest thing I have ever seem, I really, really want.





Hacher quelqu’un menu comme chair à pâté

this post has no name, or an app a day keeps luddites away

This post has no name, although that’s mainly due too me being cheap and running open office at home, forgetting to save as a .doc and having accessibility problems on this machine.

Anyway, you’ll see the intended post soon enough, a serial it shall be too. But this really needs a new post and this is it tada!. Okay so that’s a messy sentence.

I need to really post at least once a week, but I have been so busy doing, well nothing tbh, looking for a job takes time and is incredibly frustrating.

One thing I have been meaning to talk about for a while now is apps, I have an iPhone and with that come applications. Usually I hate trying to draft up review articles, mainly because I’m nice and rather easily pleased, but plunging into the murky world of the app store can be confusing and overwhelming due to the sheer quantity that’s out there (several trillion billion thousand, true story) so I thought I would help you out by suggesting a few I like,

Instagram

 

Instagram is a nifty little camera app that allows you to see your and your friends photo’s as they stream. This has to be my favourite photo-sharing app and according to its user info, 7 million agree.

You can upload your pics to bookface et al with a few taps but in all honesty the built in news feed works best. Coupled with a slightly rehashed ‘like’ feedback on each pic it allows you too talk and comment on each picture. Perhaps its main selling point is the filters included allowing you to edit new and old photo into something much nicer.

The popular page is a good way to find other users you like and too nab inspiration, as with all photo platforms your going to find a lot of crap among the goodness but there is some genuine talent in there.

Come find me @stephen_green 

Hipstamatic

Hipstamatic is a very, very nicely done camera app and although I have started using Instagram more, it is in some ways far better. Although you have to pay for this one, and there’s a lot of inapp stuff too, it is pretty good quality software. Unlike Instagram you choose from a variety of films and lenses before shooting making for a more realistic app and a plethora of customising opportunities and scope for playing around, extending the life of this app nicely. You also get a cool onscreen camera complete with viewfinder (while cool, this can be annoying when trying to get a shot, luckily you can disable it).

Synthetic Corp, the makers, is also pretty generous when it comes to bringing out special edition freepaks once in a while.

More to follow,

 

The Battle of Belko

On Saturday our new washing machine arrived, the hired men dropped it in the dinning room and left. That’s all well and good but it needs to be in the utility room.

Now this leaves us with two problems, firstly now I have to move it, secondly and this is the big one, now we will have to install it ourselves. Have you ever installed a washing machine? Well I have now. Flicked through the instructions and they read simply enough, it all seems so straightforward. Can’t be hard, no I’m certain it will be simple.

Day One,

Step one, remove restraining bolts. I own one spanner, it doesn’t fit, we give up in despair.

Day Two,

Step one, remove restraining bolts. Go out shopping a buy a new set of spanner, spanners don’t fit. Rage. Think to myself ‘I knew I should have bought an adjustable spanner’. Ask next-door, return with a magic albeit rusty adjustable spanner. Spanner works and we loosen bolts, not sure what to do so we just keep turning. After twenty minutes my beautiful assistant manages to remove one, turns out you have to pull them out not twist. Well get the remaining three out in record time. What’s next..

Step two, move into final resting place. Now this was the part I was dreading, now moving it into place sounds deceptively easy but bear in mind its going into a very small utility room with very little room for play. We had about an inch height clearance and a foot width. Slots in nicely you may think, ah I retort but if you just slide it right in how do you connect it up?

Washing machines have three main connections, water in (some machines have two water inlets, a hot and a cold, ours had only the one, being more of an economic model, electricity in and waste out. It’s recommended that you get each of these connections right. The electric connect is an easy one to make, even I know what a plug looks like.

I guessed which pipe I needed for the water and connected a hose before testing into a bucket, water flows, right, good. The waste pipe was the one I really had to get right, mess up with that and you get flooded. With the waste and mains connected it was a relatively easy case of walking the machine into place and reaching around into the dark and trying to screw on a fiddly connection. It’s like when you try to reach around a big television a plug in a scart lead but infinitely harder and aggravating. That done however and a firm shove into place and our washing machine was in. Turning on the water was a nervy moment, but hooray no leaks! I had confirmed my masculinity and installed a washing machine.

The first couple of washes were regularly scrutinised but it stayed a flood free environment. God am in proud. This must be what having a child feels like…

Bob's Burgers,

Have you all watched 'Bob's Burgers' on E4? If not go watch it 4OD etc.. it is the best thing i have saw for a very long time. In brief it's an animated show about a man called Bob Belcher, Bob runs a burger joint with his family, his wife Linda and their three children Tina, Gene and the wonderfully pyscotic Louise (voiced by the brilliant but a little weird Kristen Schaal {she was Mel in The Flight of the Conchords}).

It's the most a cartoon has made me laugh in a while, Family guy, American Dad, Cleveland Show et al.. are funny but it's the same type of funny day in day out. Stuff like this makes me laugh properly, not just a little giggle hither and tither but real macho belly laughs. It's the same with 'The Life and Times of Tim' another brilliant low budget cartoon with big ideas.

Thats all for now, the papers here and its action time

Hidden Gems in forgotten wasteland

I walk past these houses everyday now, and it also strikes me how odd they are when you consider the surrounding area of vauxhall/kirkdale. They really are out of character, its a shame they are so battered up as they are lovely houses. Locally the legend is as follows, they did belong to a property developer who was planning to turn them into flats (rather elegant flats [in a rather inelegant area {i mean vauxy is all well and good but people who afford places like that don’t live here}]), but as they are grade two listed buildings, not sure which grade actually but they are listed, it's pretty tricky to update them as there is a shed full of bureaucracy to navigate.

Anyway, apparently the developer decided to bail and touched them to clean a sizable insurance premium. How true this is i don't know, it's clear that they have suffered some flame damage, but to be fair i wouldn't put it past the locale to torch some thing for the sheer hell of it.

Anyway, regardless of how it happened, it happened and now these buildings are going to waste. That’s the story of Liverpool really, it ruined swathes of the Cheshire country side to build estates when there are miles of neglected brownfield sites cluttering up the place. Hipsta kids would love those dock front warehouses.

Also here is more of the cats

Hey Government! Leave those Libraries alone!

If you live in the liverpool area please go here, and fill in this questionnarie/survey. It is without a doubt far more important than the census bollocks. Our books are at stake hear people!

The Government are bastards

Anyone want proof of the government scrapping arts and culture for the masses?

Sorry about the crappy frame, acidently shook my phone and set Hipstamatic on random configuration. This photo makes me very sad indeed. Now the National Conservation Centre is by no means the best museum in Liverpool, but I, like many others, have whiled away quite a few afternoons there. It's important that we have a plethora of insitutions promoting arts and culture in this country. This country made great by our thirst for knowledge and history.
But when the blue fuckers axe funding like this it results in one thing, one message, art and culture belongs to the rich, to the people who can afford to pay for it.

On a lighter but equaly annoying note, these are not the same as choc dips,



Lacking the will to work and sensory overload..

I am hearing too many things, one ear is 50’s rock and/or roll and the SFX of a baseball zombie mash up game, the other is film previews. The music I can dig, the rest maybe not…

And now the new receptionists are bothering us with silly queries.

Anyway back to blogging, been trying to write a bit of a review on XCOM considering the new game will be out for the 360 soon, and it looks awesome, but after trouble getting it too work on my laptop followed a brief session or two on D’s laptop I have come to a startlingly simple and short conclusion, It’s pissing HARD.

So instead I have prepared a few words on pocket monsters, these fluffy (scaly, bristly, pixely) little creatures have taken the world pretty much in storm. I mean sure their popularity has wavered slightly, there merely bestsellers now, while the initial games strode astride the world like gods.

Now, I have been a fan since Pokemon red and I have more or less owned at least one of every pairing since then but the issue I have with the later games is that they are trying a little too hard. The first three where simple things, you collect, you fight, you own the world. Now there are beauty competitions, wifi connectivity and flashy four way video conferencing. I want to fight monsters, not plan a corporate takeover. I think a big part of the lack of sheen is to do with the constant reinvention of the pokedex and its contents, do we really need over 150 extra beasts? Well yeah, I suppose Game Freak need to introduce new pokemon to keep the series alive and full of new life, but I miss the old ones, the ones I know and love. My old friends.

My team and I have problems, two of them I like. The rest I care not what becomes of them, they faint and I don’t care enough to even bother with a sigh of indifference. Can I complete the game with two pocket monsters? I doubt it, I’m rocking ground and fire the first water gym I encounter will be serving me up a nice tall glass of pixel death. But the other ilk are just so boring one of them is a pigeon, a fucking pigeon.

Right that’s it, I’m off to find a game boy pocket and my copy of Pokemon Yellow.

A lengthy break...

Sorry it's been such a while between posting, not had much time. I'm sadly leaving the press as

my contract slowly but surely heads towards termination. But hey, I’m sure I’ll be able to loot the store cupboards on the way out. I’ve enjoyed my six months and it’s certainly been informative. This last week has mainly been spent tying up any loose ends and training my replacement, they even had the gall too replace me with somebody actually called Stephen, like its my mark II or something, in the ways of the press and Scotland road.

It’s a daft method of employment really, just as you get your groove and make your contracts your six is up and off you trot. Annoying as I’ve just figured out how too soothe the old girls at the VNC, a careful blend of distraction and deception, probably best I scarper before my look runs out.

I’ll defiantly miss some of the characters there, working with Jon Power (the jury is out on whether or not he’s a cyborg [he so is]) has been an absolute delight. The big question now is what do I do? Well preferably I would want to carry on in print but simply finding a job is proving a real challenge, I mean I never expected a job in this old chemical town but certainly one in Liverpool or Manchester. Bah, so bored of this economy.

Anyway it is a fantastically lovely day and I’m stuck inside typing and covering a desk lol, old friends are bring up old songs and mirth is in the air. Today is a good day to drink outside.

Tomorrow however, the day I have to my self , is set to rain so once again the plans to clean up the garden fall on the back burner, hey I still may just preserver, I really need to get at it.

Anyway due to the fact people liked it alot last time here's a picture if a cat, This is Gatsby and he dosen't like seeing me leave in the morning. 

stuff and things

Because webcomics is all we do, cat and girl

Growing an stuff..

Well after my initial jubilations at the first glimpse of sun have been quashed slightly by a complete lack of any warmth in the slightest, ah the temptation to move to sunnier climes, that said everybody is moving off these days at least 80% of my friends now live in York.

I am actually very tempted to move abroad, I don’t like the UK anymore it's fallen a little too far, I fancy yanksville but the lack of a public health system worries me a lot (knowing my luck I would suffer a terrible accident as soon as I settle), but I should be able to secure a visa quite easy. Europe temps me, particularly France, so much so that I’ve taken to learning to language (badly and self taught of course). 

But anyway, away from pipe dreams and back to my scrap of north England that I can call my own, I do really like my house, it’s a lovely little thing. I just wish it could be in a nicer town.

But back to the green, as spring still hasn’t really kicked in there hasn’t been much gardening to get on with, all I have is a window ledge and that’s a little full at the minute.

 Asparagus babies, sage and thyme and strawberries taking up all the space.. 

 And pride of place my fig tree, a queue is starting to back up a little now with a lot of things needing to be planted, chard and PSB (purple sprouting broccoli) being the big things, I want another crack a chili peppers and I think I’ll grow some cucumbers this year, mainly to pickle for home made summer burgers on the barbeque. I have a few things growing outside, my garlic seems to be doing well, and the blueberries are budding nicely. I’ll have a good crack at the garden this weekend and get some pictures, hmmm I need a container big enough for a plum tree...

And here for no reason is one of my cats enjoy,

rubber ducks

Sunny side up

Blue skies today and its getting well into march so here's hoping that spring is finally on its way here. As it stands my garden needs a heck of allot work done, need to move some of my planting beds and mainly just a bit of maintenance and tidying up really.

But soon I hope to have it all swinging along in a little while, hopefully be eating home produce in the near future. One big surprise is my little fig tree, which has figuratively exploded despite the cloudy days and cold weather, it’s doing pretty well on its little south-facing wall. Bought some strawberries over the weekend hopefully will be placing them out in their little hanging basket soon, they did quite well last spring but struggled over summer so I’ll be taking a little extra care with them this year.

One lesson learned from last year is to be vigilant against pests, cabbage whites slaughtered my brassicas last year and a pair of feathery bastards laid waste to my blueberries. I think to combat this i need some form of fortifications, castles and battlements maybe a bit to far, but some sort of net systems definably merits some thought...

Books hole

After reading this blog over a day or two, I really, really want to open my own book shop. Me and this guy talked alot about opening one in uni, but then to be fair we were drunk alot, so not sure how much was truley serious.

But now when I think about about, I tend to kick myself alittle and think, Hot Damn! we shoulda, but would it have worked out? well maybe, surely our love and lust for books would have bourne us aloft on a wave of selling crazness and oh, the hi-jinks!.... (woah hi-jinks is an awesome word, look at all those dots)

However, I have no business acumen and no idea how to do taxes and the like so the most likely outcome would involve swimming around in a finacial crisis for a few months before selling body parts on the black market.

But the dream remains, its a nice way to retire an live out the twilight. Is it fiscaly feasable? Maybe not, people are idiots now days they don't care about literature nevermind books. But there is something inherently lovely about a bookshop, even better imagine owning your own, although i think i would get alittle too atached to the contents, shelfishly knifeing browsers who dare touch my wares.

No time,

No time for a proper post, work and all that, so i'm going to fob you off with a bit i did for my old uni paper,

A Stab in the dark, An afternoon with Richard Brook

Firstly the interview,

How and when did you become interested in acupuncture?

It was when I was 17, I was already interested in yoga and Ti chi and its grown from there. I first properly started in my early 20's around 2004. I actually use to live with a new age community in Scotland and from that I have tried to make every part of my life holistic.

I sort of found my course through having a vision in a native American dance ceremony, at the time it didn't make much sense, but after I ended up at open night at a college a started thinking about it and what it could mean. Then absolutely by coincidence the instructor started talking about things that had appeared in my vision, I got goosebumps and it became clear that this was something I needed to do.

What type of training did you receive prior to obtaining your license?

I had bit of training before I started on acupuncture, some energy healing with my hands and reflexology but not to any real accredited standard.

I have a degree in food technology, which I saw as more similar to art, It was all to do with natural cycles.

Do you think a patients attitude towards acupuncture influences the success or failure of the treatments?

No, I believe that if some ones got that mindset it won't matter. It will still work. I think that them not believing in it is a sign of them losing touch with nature.

What about pain, do you think if somebody thinks its going to hurt it will?

Well every one has their own personal pain threshold. But feeling pain is a good thing, remember its just your body telling you what's what. It's the feeling of being connected with nature.

What might a typical treatment entail?

I start with a consultation and from that I'll try to gather what needs attention. Before I start with the actual treatment I'll also do a few physical exams to get a bit of diagnostic information, each exam I do gives me an idea of what's going on in your body.

How long would a typical treatment last?

The first will usually be around two hours with follow up treatments around forty five minutes.

My experience.

I must admit to prospect of acupuncture was daunting, now I'm no stranger to needles having my fair share of tattoo's and I have had pretty much every other holistic therapy under the sun.

But there will always be something about acupuncture.

The first thing everyone's wondering about is does it hurt? Well yes and no, some bits hurt and others I barely felt go in. The worst for me was the forehead and the inner arms and wrists. I should consider myself lucky as according to Rich traditionally instead of having a needle either side of the wrist you have one going straight through.

To be honest I did feel very relaxed during the treatment, but it's hard to say what its done to me in the following weeks as I didn't really have anything wrong with me.

But I do have to say lying there in my boxers with needles in my chest was a very surreal experience. Although as Rich said "this is text book acupuncture action".

Richard uses a very traditional approach, which is called the five point style. It has a lot to do with natural living and communicating with nature, as Richard says we have lived for thousands of years with nature but now we seem to of fallen out with it, and it seems the more we try the more we mess up. We need to try to get it back.

I would recommend acupuncture to people and not just for physical but for emotional pain, one particular thing Richard mentioned is that it’s good for stress, good news for all you dissertation stretched students out there.

Jamie's Dream School

This programme has angered me so much I think I may kill a vole,

It’s not that the programme was bad, far from it, nicely put together and aesthetically pleasing as all ‘Jamie’s ®’ are, I especially liked the build up adverts with chalk flowing out of every pore and swallowing up the floors and walls.

No the problem I have is with the students, a term used loosely in this context as student brings connotations of people who actually want to learn, a bunch of fucking witless idiots who can barely speak properly. If I have to hear one of the foolish air wasters say ‘betta’ one more time…

Yes my problem is with them, and my point is why? Why do they deserve this fantastic chance? Their idiots with no desire in education, they wasted their first chance and now, from what I have seen, they are wasting this. We seem to be predisposed in this country to reward the non-achievers, why try anymore? Is it not best to languish on benefits until somebody totters along and offers you a once in a lifetime chance?

It’s an insult to everyone who has tried in life, everyone who has fought for his or her place. Clawing at every inch of dirt, only to find some idiot placed before them because they couldn’t be bothered with school so got a chance on a television show.

I think the one thing that annoys me most is the children’s obsession with being respected by their teacher, they are children they are not owed respect from anybody, not least their teachers, who need to be in a position of power in order to do their job. Now I’m not saying that the teachers should be condescending, but they need to be in charge, in that room they should be god.

In short, they don’t deserve this, maybe on or two of them will benefit but they rest will waste this chance like every other chance in their snivelling lives.

Lomography

Ink & Wine

nothing today, enjoy music

Canal life

Took the wrong bus into work today and ended up down a road I don't know, recognised the old heritage market tho and headed out for it. The heritage market is a fantastic old building, I think it used to a US army depot in the second world war. I have also heard tales of Elenor Rooservelt being stationed there for a time.

From the heritage market I knew all I had to do was head north, pointless even deciding that, its not like I had a compass, and soon I would hit Vauxhall Road. What I didn't bank on was bumping into the canal, fantastic as I knew it would snake up to just below the vauxy.
As soon as I happened upon the canal the sun broke and the place brightened up, the canalside side is actually quite clean considering the state of the scotland road area in general. I saw a few maintance workers hard at work and its nice to know that at least some people care about the state of their local area.

Their was also some pretty groovery graffiti on one of the canal walls, as it was a pretty sprawling bit of artwork it was hard to capture, but I gave it ago.

scrawl

archaic

Today as part of my job i have spent a while scanning in photgraphs from bygone eras, don't know who took these but some of them really are pretty and really rather arty, i thought i'd share a couple with you. Enjoy..

Redwall abandonned

A terrible thing has happened, a personal hero of mine has sadly passed away. Brian Jacques, best known for his Redwall novels, died last week at the age of 71.

As a child I grew up on the Redwall series of books, devouring one after another in my youth, the are directly responsible for my love of literature and a darn good book. It's not a great leap to say I was in love with the books, looking back and rereading its clear my taste has moved on, but my heart has stayed true.

Redwall books where expertly wrote, long intertwining stories and dashing heroes solving fiendish riddles. What I liked most was they way the books asked a lot of the reader, each tome tipping the five hundred page barrier. They had complex social hierarchies between the animals (did I mention that the books told the story of animals? Mainly revolving around Redwall abbey and the legend of Martin the warrior, a mouse, and the beach side fortress of Salamanderstron, the mighty stronghold of badger kings and his hare army), each having distinct accents and colloquial idiomatic quirks. Brian wrote a total of twenty one books which have spread worldwide, being translated into 29 languages and selling twenty million copies.

The books have been made into a animated television series that for a time ran on channel five, a series I sadly only caught a couple of episodes of, and apparently I have just discovered, a opera. I really, really want to watch a Redwall opera.

Brian Jacques was a great man and a much loved author, my thoughts are with his family, for he will sadly be missed. I'll leave you with this fantastic anecdote, Brian was once caned by a teacher who wouldn't belive that a ten year old could create such a detailed sotry about a little bird who cleaned crocodile teeth.

Post one

Gardening I'm afraid,

It's February and its cold, and windy, windy enough to break Liverpool. Until spring hits us, there's not much I can do. We don't have much over winter stock in the ground, well none apart from our 2^nd gen garlic. In a spurt of wanting to do something I bought two small dwarf trees to live inside the house (last year my blueberries were pilfered by some feathery bastard), the tree's are a Fig and an Olive. The former to bake and the latter to eat off the tree, its also nice to have a bit of green adorning the window.

Hello and welcome,

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Stephen Green and I am an aspiring writer/journalist.

I work for a small community newspaper based in Liverpool, while it gives me a good platform and a place to sharpen my wordplay. Artistically and creatively I'm feeling a little stifled.

That's where this comes in, a chance to reach out and spill the contents of my head upon the world without being reprimanded by an editorial board. Whilst this blog will lack a direction so to speak, intentionally of course, there will be a number of re-occurring themes. In prime place I suppose will be my love of growing your own, I like to cook and I like to eat well, and by growing your own food I think you can add a little provenance to your food.

Now while I have dabbled with growing in the past, potatoes, garlic and onions, as well as the ubiquitous herbs, I have never really had a fully functioning kitchen garden. Now with spring looming and cash in the back pocket I intend to end the year with a good harvest.

Now don't be fazed, there will be other things, my love for books and video games among others. To break up the text I also pledge to carpet the place with photographs galore. All no doubt taken with the 'Hipstamatic' app on my iPhone, have you used it? Cutting edge tech bastardised to produce lo-fi over exposed prints, perfect.

But that's enough for now, welcome to ink & wine I hope you enjoy yourself.